Donald Winnicott, who later on trained to be a psychoanalyst but was essentially a paediatrician, followed Melanie Klein’s footsteps in the pursuit of implementing psychoanalysis principles in child development. He identified an aspect of our minds that enabled us to live true and indigenously as “True-Self” to help us form relations, be creative and simply feel alive.
According to Winnicott, the True-Self emerges from the relationship between the infant and the primary caregiver. A “good enough” parent prevents the child from being traumatized at the point when they discover their fragility and allows curiosity to be satisfied with self-confidence. But in some cases, children start out having spontaneous desires and needs, but their parent can’t respond sufficiently (maybe due to illness, or depression, or the demand of others’ needs). The child will start to feel like their basic and truest needs and desires are not acceptable or manageable. In a case like this, the child will become what Winnicott calls compliant—that is, the child will adjust their behaviour, without even thinking consciously about it. This conformity to their environment is the child’s attempt to protect themselves from further inadequacy or disappointment—but it is a covering up of the original, true desire. This is the birth of the “False-Self”.
Perhaps the theory that has contributed most to Winnicott’s recognition is that children identify their “Security Blankets” or favourite soft toys as transitional objects. Between the period of being completely dependent on the mother and the period of discovering their own independence, the child uses a transitional object as a substitute for the bond between them.
True freedom comes when you let go of the need to be who others expect you to be and embrace who you truly are. The False-Self is built from fear, expectations, and the desire to fit in, but it can never bring real happiness. Only by stepping into your authentic self—your passions, values, and unique spirit—can you find genuine fulfilment. So start asking yourself the real questions: Who are you? What do you want?
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – Carl Gustav Jung.